Hi. I'm Patrick. I'm a strategic thinking, copy writing, cultural obsessive. I've spent my life doing all things digital. Let's do something great together.
Even though the Jews control all of the media in the US, it still takes a lot of balls to publish a magazine called Heeb and basically straight take the piss out of your own religious
culture. Thankfully, these nu-Jews are totally into that, and because they're already in the tribe, they have the security of not getting blacklisted and financially executed like an Irish-catholic twenty-something copy-writer. Eeek!
The current issue is Heeb #21, The Germany Issue where the Heebsters take on the intertwined history and contemporary attitude of Jews in Germany. It's packed with hilarious and terrible features like Roseanne Barr dressed as Hitler burning Jew cookies, the winning entry of their fake holocaust memoir contest (written by Maxim Biller!), and porn jewess Joanna Angel comparing and reviewing how German sausages fit into her various orifices. Eat your heart out, Vice.
Let's talk about astroblemes for a second. Yeah, astroblemes man. Or shatter cones? How about shock-metamorphic effects, cryptoexplosion, or hypervelocity impact? Come on y'all, it's meteor impact crater time! Whether they have their own radio station or are the destination of a classic Aussie horror movie, impact sites are the fucking jam.
According to the Earth Impact Database, there are 170 confirmed sites around the globe. Twenty-six of those are in Australia, including a giant 90km diameter one in SA. While a 90km wide crater sounds great, it's a bit too large to take in all at once, so going for a 1 to 5km crater is the best bet unless you're in space or have a plane.
Now, if you're a lazy son of a bitch and can't be bothered to leave the city for this, you can check out 50 craters from outer space thanks to our good buddies Google and Geology.com. But if you actually want to stand on the rim of an epic natural wonder and blast Aerosmith to relive 1998 to the fullest, we'd suggest actually hiking up a crater and making out with Liv Tyler after her dad dies. Perfect.
Having an obsession with feet is not usually a socially acceptable thing. Sure, there are websites, foot models, sock outlets...but most people just don't share your enthusiasm for tootsies. We say 'most people' because there are still places where
you freaks can fit in. Shine Shoe Shine is one of these places. The people of SSS really care about how your feet look. Maybe even too much.
Shine Shoe Shine has passion above and beyond what you'd expect from a shoe shiner. Everything they do is extraordinary: they give bulk discounts when you bring in your entire collection of custom made boots, they offer a free pickup/delivery service for those of us who can go shoeless in the office for an afternoon, and they have collected more than 65 colour-matching shines to make those blood-red heels look like they just stepped out of that poor boy's heart. Again
Oh Sweden. The land of dreams, beautiful men and women,
and flat pack furniture. You know, I hear that everything we like from Sweden is better over there. Ikea give you real tools, Suburban Kids With Biblical Names actually have a shorter name, and the meatballs taste the same even though they're vegetarian.
Sweden is also home to company called We are the Superlative Conspiracy who make street fashion and have rad advertisements, even if we're not convinced they know exactly what their name means. They have extended their reach to make some very stylish headphones, and have partnered up with Parisian heavyweight label Ed Banger to deliver the newest edition.
You're probably wondering now why a clothing company would partner up with a record label to make headphones. Obviously, it would be better if they combined forces with say, a headphone company, but that would be too logical and probably produce something way less fashionable. So yeah, a record label and clothing company doesn't make any sense, but it does produce some great looking headphones that don't make you feel like a total nerd when they are sitting atop your dome.
This project included the design and writing of a local sandwich map and guide for Denver, Colorado.
This project included a logo design, half page gift cards and business cards (not pictured) for a business I created.
This project included a logo, multiple event fliers, album covers, posters and one sheet design for an ongoing music project that I was a part of.
www.colorado.edu // University of Colorado, Boulder
August 2003 to May 2008
Graduated with BA in Linguistics
Digital Communications Specialist // Denver, CO
September 2015 to Current
As part of the communications team at DOLA, I help craft the overall digital strategy including content and digital messaging. In addition, I design and hand-code minisites with an expert knowledge of the Pacific Drupal platform, knowing how to push limits and troubleshoot problems all while staying within the bounds of accessibility and expectations of government.
Content Management Specialist // Denver, CO
March 2015 to September 2015
Although my main focus was website migration of government entities, I also consulted and advised on many UX, IA and content strategy problems for the Governor’s office, Department of Regulatory Affairs and many more.
Engagement Associate // Denver, CO
December 2013 to August 2014
At gyro I have taken on responsibilities across many of our departments, including ideation, planning and management for our event series gyro:scope, working as a copy editor and proofreader on clients like TD Ameritrade, DCP Midstream and Johns Manville, as well as being an integral part of the new business team.
Editor & Technical Strategist // Denver, CO
May 2013 to December 2013
My role was to project manage and implement a learning content management system as well as working on content editing for Fitpro's main online platforms. I also helped to define the marketing and brand strategy in addition to managing analytics and social media.
www.ptonthenet.com & www.fitpro.com
Production Editor // Denver, CO
September 2012 to May 2013
I was relied upon for content and editing support of all videos, blogs and articles. I took charge of creating a strategy for existing online properties and implementation of new properties. In addition I was one of two employees trusted in overseeing our LCMS/LMS solution.
Freelance writing // New York City, NY & Melbourne, AUS
December 2008 to Current
Through freelancing I created written content for Beck's, The State of Victoria, The City of Melbourne and Barefoot Radler. I also worked on marketing strategies, web content and web design for Black Eye Coffee, The Clever Turnip and Privateer Rum. My own projects include Angry Man Magazines, Occasional Guides and Denver, Of Course.
Digital Strategy Coordinator // New York City, NY
December 2009 to September 2010
As the sole digital strategist, I was charged with executing social and online strategies for multiple clients and being the expert and resource on digital strategy for our entire roster.
Three Thousand Associate Editor // Melbourne, AUS
September 2008 to July 2009
I was in charge of wrangling writers, creating content and brainstorming/implementing creative marketing programs for our city guide. I also made the mixed tapes for our Big Pond Mix Tape.
www.shorefire.com // Shore Fire Media, Autumn 2009 // New York City, NY
www.heebmagazine.com // Heeb Magazine, Summer 2009 // New York City, NY
www.friendlyfirerecordings.com // Friendly Fire Recordings, Summer 2009 // New York City, NY
www.spectremusic.com // Spectre Entertainment Group, Summer 2007 // Portland, OR
Multiple CMS's, multiple email marketing/newsletter platforms (Emma, Constant Contact, Streamsend, Mailchimp), Adobe Creative Suite (Photoshop, InDesign, Dreamweaver), Filemaker Pro and Microsoft Office (Word, Excel), Mac and PC technical knowledge